I'm not sure what you mean by "we can't have nice things in this country." We have lots of spectacularly nice things. The vast majority of which were probably created by people who practiced traditional gender roles.

I don't think honoring women is putting them in a gilded cage. I don't think it's dehumanizing or infantalizing them. If anything, I think the opposite. An attack on chivalry is really an attack on women and femininity. People don't like chivalry because they don't think there's anything special about being a woman.

I don't think the flattening of gender roles has helped anything, I think it's just made everyone frustrated while heightening hostilities between the sexes. If men and women are the same, then NEITHER ONE is bringing anything to the table. Worse, both sides are forced to accept roles that don't come naturally to them. Women are now judged more harshly on their career choices than they used to be on their traditional roles. My wife was told if she stayed home with the kids she'd set the women's lib movement back 50 years. If old school gender roles were a gilded cage, so is new school egalitarianism. It's a set of social expectations that you didn't sign up for but hey, you have to play your part. No questions. If you prioritize a career you're enlightened and good. If you prioritize family and homemaking you're backwards. At least the original "gilded cage" could potentially lead to a happy family.

I have no problem saying that a man needs to protect the safety of the women in his life. I have no problem saying he should have stoic control over his emotions. I have no problem saying he should pursue and romance his wife. That's his role. He can try to rebel against it, but it won't go well for him. It's good to have a society that reinforces these ideals. That looks to men to protect and provide. That values them getting their anger under control and behaving like civilized gentlemen. And yes, that takes it for granted that when a man and a woman go out to eat, he'll be picking up the check.